Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Senator McConnell Fails Reading Comprehension Again and Gets New Name as Consolation Prize

Dear Senator McConnell aka Phil A. Buster:

My niece expressed concern for my health last night because I was hoarse. I confessed that I had worn out my voice after being on the phone the entire day, and realized that meant I owed THE American people an apology. It’s quite possible that burning ears contributed to your disgraceful job performance yesterday.

This is bittersweet. Much as I regret your performance (and know it would have been the same whether or not I discussed your increasingly humiliating representation and lack of leadership), I am equally encouraged by the realization that I don’t have to initiate these conversations or explain who you are any more. I have successfully altered the dynamics of name recognition by letting everyone know how important you are to me and, in turn, the huge role you play in their lives even when they aren’t paying attention.

Lest you feel uncomfortable about the laughter that accompanies my conversations about you, I assure you that we laugh with you, not at you. There really is nothing humorous about your total disregard for your constituents or your country but sometimes we have to laugh to keep from crying. I do know you well enough to doubt that you are laughing at yourself and trust it is fair to count your laughing at us through your actions as the qualifier in laughing with you.

About finance reform, broken-record, Phil A. Buster, do you honestly think you can get away with the same attempts to deceive again? You tried this same absurd routine with how many issues now? We (I’m not alone and you know it, even if you continue to lie and say you haven’t heard from people who don’t agree with you) have had enough of your – not enough time, too many pages, my party can’t remember what they want from one day to the next, if you don’t do it our way even though we don’t have a way it isn’t bipartisan, we have no intention of ever cooperating for a bipartisan effort on anything, watch us hold our breath and stomp our feet like toddlers, obstructionism.

Honestly, Phil, your obstructionism is childish and abusive. I thought about that yesterday when a cousin (not the one whose heart I broke last week by telling her that, thanks to you, she doesn’t support troops the way she thinks she does – I have many cousins and promise I’ll get around to introducing them all) told me she plans to work time into her schedule to become a legal volunteer for abused women. She had a particular abuse case weighing heavily on her mind at the time so I didn’t change the subject. However, I do wonder if there is a point at which we can legitimately claim damages for your abuse. Purposely misleading people with false information that you hope will scare them into supporting your selfish goals is abusive, Phil. Preying on the ignorance of your apathetic base is disgustingly abusive, and disregarding those of us who point out your errors is unacceptably abusive.

Once again:
The bill does not ensure future bailouts. The bill is designed to liquidate failing companies, not bail them out. No matter how many times you repeat this lie, you will still be WRONG.

Looking forward to proving that YOU are not too big to fail,


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