Dear Senator McConnell:
Today’s the day! Finally, President Obama has heard your pleading and invited you in for a Health Care Summit. I’m sure you must be floating on cloud nine since this is your big chance to clear the air and retract all of the misinformation you’ve delivered over the last year.
I hope you will start by apologizing to all of us whose voices you have ignored until now. Surely, you remember us. We must weigh like a huge stone in your gut since we’ve written and called to tell you how much we want health care reform with a public option, and you’ve ignored us. Today can be your huge stoneectomy; come clean and remove that pain.
And then, I’m sure you will want to prevent a nasty post-op complication by debriding those lies about reconciliation. You silly, silly goose. I’m sure you thought we’d get a giggle or two from those absurd comments about this being an unusual or “nuclear” option. There’s a problem with that, though. In order to get humor, people have to know the truth behind it. Not everyone knows that the Republicans were the instigators behind 16 of the 22 reconciliations since 1980 so your humor was lost on them.
The agenda is full and the meeting is only scheduled to last one day, so I’m sure you won’t have a chance to clear up most of your misinformation. No problem. I’m patient and can wait until tomorrow for you to dictate the letter and schedule appearances on all of the news channels that will complete your cleansing. In fact, it might be best for Kentucky’s reputation (you know – that inbred, barefoot, idiot thing that you’ve helped us hang on to) if you say as little as possible. A sincere smile, a brief apology, and a nod toward the President’s plan will be enough.
p.s. If you see Anthony Weiner, will you give him a huge hug for me.