Dear Senator McConnell:
Thank you for beating out Steven Colbert, Andy Borowitz, and the Onion to provide the best laugh of the day. What an unexpected surprise it was to read that your office had actually taken action after reading a constituent's letter. It was an even better surprise to learn that the one letter that sparked action was based on satire that neither the writer nor your office recognized.
I've tried to convince people that the Republican brain is incapable of getting or writing satire, probably because satire requires knowledge of the topic, a sense of humor, and the ability to rewrite the truth in a format that allows reasonably intelligent people to recognize and separate exaggeration for humor's sake from the obvious truth.
It was kind of you and your office to support my belief. The great laugh was a bonus.
I love satire, the literal form of making fun of something unbearable. Steven Colbert helps many of us laugh off the unbearable at the end of most days thanks to you, our other equally embarrassing Senator from Kentucky, Speaker Boehner, and the rest of your party. (Should I use allies, so you'll know I'm paying attention to the Republican script and am on top of the current word you are trying to demonize?) I never imagined a night when you would offer the comic relief.
This line made me laugh harder than the others: "Senator McConnell's office is hyper-vigilant about finding answers to the questions raised by his constituents." That has not been my experience, or the experience of any of my friends. Maybe we need to change the way we ask?
I'll give it a shot.
Senator McConnell, is it true that you and your allies purposely mislead THE American People because you have sold your souls to the highest bidders and you want to prove beyond all doubt that your base is stupid enough to believe your lies and vote against their own best interest? Would you believe that's what I read on Breitbart.com? That I heard it on Rush Limbaugh's show? That it was rolling across the bottom of the FOX screen all day yesterday? That someone in your office accidentally told me that when I called to ask what happened to your soul?
Wow. I'd better stop typing lies with question marks before someone thinks I lost my mind and conscience and went Republican overnight.