I’ve Been Your Dance Partner, Senator McConnell

Dear Senator McConnell:

Dancing is something I know well, Senator McConnell. My body may have failed at being Betty but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten everything I knew about dancing. You see, dancing is almost as much a part of me as breathing, sleeping, eating, and being disgusted with you. I started dancing on my dad’s feet as a toddler and had my last dance with him on his death bed.  Although I’m not able to go out and dance several nights a week any more, I will not stop dancing in my mind until I take my last breath.

To be honest, I was shocked to hear you mention dancing because it sounded so human. (How sad is it that you have been my Senator for twenty-eight years and I’m surprised to hear you say something that I can relate to?) For a brief (very brief) second, I almost felt a connection to you because I had smiled a hundred times in recent days over a stolen, heart-warming dance moment at my daughter’s house. As she was cooking Christmas dinner, I saw her step away from the stove and, spoon in hand, dance a few spontaneous steps. What melted my heart was the loving grin on her husband’s face as he caught it with me. The brief (very brief) belief that I had a bit of a connection with you ended when I realized you know nothing of what dancing means to people like me and my son-in-law.

My article, Love at First Dance, won special recognition in a writing class I took a few years ago. I’ve always believed I could learn everything I need to know about a man in one dance, and wrote about falling in love on a first dance. I’ll know what a man thinks of himself and me by his confidence, eye contact, the way he holds me, how he leads, whether or not he talks while we dance, how he reacts if he steps on my toe  . . . So much is revealed in a simple dance.

Let’s use your analogy and pretend that you and I have been dancing these last four years. Here’s how it has been from my side.

You didn’t notice that I was fighting tears because my hip ached. My condition would not stand in the way of your goal, which was to knock one particular man off the dance floor. You jerked me out of my seat without looking me in the eye, speaking a word to me, or hearing a word I said to you. You didn’t lead and your timing was terrible. It was as though you couldn’t even hear the music and you didn’t know a single step or see any of the people you trampled. 

Senator McConnell, it was not a dance by any sane person’s definition. You swung me around the floor, using me as a weapon against your target. When the night was over, I was bruised from head to toe. The only satisfaction I got from that dance was seeing that the man you tried to knock off the floor was still there, waltzing gracefully. And his partner wore a smile. 

You should be more careful when choosing analogies.

Sandy

Senator McConnell Created Fiscal Cliff Because He Wanted To Be Somebody

Dear Senator McConnell:

As we near the cliff that you created, I am reminded that you aren’t the only one willing to insult the intelligence of THE American people. Others, who think it is in their best interest to cover your pathetic reputation, are suggesting ridiculous things like you might ‘save the day’ through negotiations. Not only is that ridiculous, it feeds into your sick need for attention. It’s like giving in to the two-year-old’s temper tantrum.

(Before you pump up your chest or don your super hero cape, please know that only the stupidest of your party are gullible enough to swallow that load.)

If I hide your car keys so I can force you to appreciate me when I find them for you, I’m a punk. If I steal your car so I can lend you mine and make you dependent on me, I’m a rat. If I steal your car and revoke your driver’s license so you can’t get anywhere, I’m you – a heartless person with no morals or ethics. I don’t like heartless people, or people who have no morals or ethics, or people who are so lazy or greedy that they will fall for ‘McConnell saves the day’ bushit. I don’t like people who play games with semantics. I will make it my job to reach as many people as I can with these truths about you:

• You have dedicated yourself to protecting the top 2% no matter how much you hurt the other 98% doing so. I try to understand how your principles could be so twisted and all I can figure is that your parents neglected your emotional needs during your formative years. My daughter was a 2 percenter, in a way that mattered. She received awards for being in the top 2% of the nation on standardized testing. I congratulated her, saved the awards in folders, and reminded her that she was fortunate to have been born with the ability to make those grades without working hard. My job as her mother was to teach her to study with and encourage friends who worked much harder than she did for average grades. I learned that from my parents when learning came easy for me. I wish your parents had spent some time on lessons like this, and that voters would pay more attention to principles.

• You created this cliff through obstructionism and obstinacy. When your hostage-taking antics failed before, your ‘save the day’ deal was this cliff. Now, you are playing both victim and super hero, hoping to fool everyone somehow. That doesn’t work, Senator McConnell. It makes you look like an old fool and embarrasses those of us who have to hear, “What’s wrong with Kentuckians that they keep voting for this fool?”  

• You put politics before people. Maybe you were half asleep during that lesson. It’s supposed to be that you put principles before personalities.

Many people think you are in this for the money. I tend to think the money is less important than ‘being somebody’ to you. In case you don’t know him, I introduce you to Travis Tritt. I think the two of you had a lot in common. Early in his career, he got a big head and wanted to trounce his competition. But, he was a decent enough person to stop short of selling his soul. You sold yours to ‘be somebody’ and still want to crush people who have had dedication, heart and soul, and played their guitars on the harder side of town. 

You are not a nice person, Senator McConnell.

Sandy

(Thank you, Mike, for letting me know about the typo.)

Senator McConnell's Dishonest Christmas Wish

Hello, Senator McConnell. I’m stuck here on the internet, apologizing to the world for the Kentuckians who voted you into office. I wanted to take just a minute to wish you and yours the same worried, stressful Christmas that all Kentuckians and Americans who have to worry about whether or not they will suffer the consequences of your poor leadership and obstruction when the holidays are over will have.

I hope you get to spend a little time with your loved ones and that they will be able to convince you what a total jerk you have been to try and hold this country hostage once again so that you can protect your donors despite how much others have to suffer. If you think your little reminder to help those who are less fortunate made you sound like a good guy, you are sadly mistaken. It reminded me, as I’m sure it will remind others, just how heartless you are and how much you expect the rest of us to take care of others because you are too selfish, cold-hearted, and ugly to do what you should do.

If you are able to see the warmth and kindness of Kentuckians helping neighbors first hand, you must be invisible because those of us who care about helping others sure never see you.

Was your little ‘borrowing’ of President Obama’s warm wishes about pouring egg nog and enjoying Christmas music some sort of Freudian slip? Do you really want to let us know that you want to be him as much as Romney did? Maybe, if you would try to emulate him in actions instead of words, you could realize that dream.

The only way your ‘no need to argue with relatives’ closing could have been stupider or more transparent would have been for you to say, “If you have Republican relatives, I suggest you just stay home alone because no one needs to suffer that on a holiday.”

Wishing you the same Christmas that the families and friends of those lost in the Sandy Hook massacre have, since your party is hell bent on making sure every crazy person in this country owns a weapon of mass destruction,

Sandy

McConnell Response to My Fiscal Cliff Letters

As usual, Senator McConnell, your dishonest form-letter response falls short of what I would hope to receive from an honest man. Since it came from you, it is exactly what I expected.

McC: Thank you for contacting me regarding the President’s proposed tax hike on small businesses. Hearing your views helps me to better represent Kentucky in the U.S. Senate.

Me: I never contacted you regarding the President’s “proposed tax hike on small businesses” because I don’t believe the President has “proposed a tax hike on small businesses” and, therefore, would never have written to you about something that I don’t think has happened. I will assume that this letter is in response to one of these letters: My2K  or Thelma and Louise, Not Just a McConnell Story.  This would all be so much easier if you really did care what your constituents have to say.

McC: After nearly four years of spending and debt, millions of Americans are still struggling amidst the slowest recovery in modern times, and the economy is flat on its back.

Me: That might be a record number of lies in one sentence. Congratulations, Senator McConnell, on breaking your own record.

McC: Despite this, the Obama Administration and its allies in Congress are advocating massive[,] job killing tax increases on the very working families and businesses struggling each day to protect their employees and create new jobs.

Me: Are you insane? You would have to be if you expect me (or anyone else) to buy that load of crap. By the way, I’m an Obama ally so you insult me when you (and yours) try to use the word ‘allies’ as though it means terrible people. Neither President Obama nor his allies are advocating massive job killing tax increases on the very working families and businesses struggling each day to protect their employees and create new jobs. Your transparent attempt at projection of your guilt onto the President is a huge failure. Your obvious debilitating envy of him is pathetic. 

Your party – the one you are supposed to be leading – has proven beyond any reasonable doubt that you care nothing about THE American workers. You created and own income inequality and hopelessness. I will assume that by ‘massive job killing tax increases on people that create new jobs’ you are, once again, shamefully implying that taxing the wealthiest individuals and dishonest corporations that call themselves small businesses will cause them not to create jobs. That is not honest and you know it. You also know that I know it so I resent and dislike you very much for insulting my intelligence. Again. You and I both know that your allies, like John Schnatter of Papa John’s Pizza, are the real threat to employees and it isn’t because they have been taxed; it is because they are greedy bastards with no ethics or conscience.

McC: With their most recent effort, the Senate majority pushed a symbolic tax hike that would not even fund the government for a week.

Me: If you thought it was symbolic and not enough, why didn’t you propose a higher tax hike that would have been enough?

McC: Considering your views on this topic, you may be interested to know that the U.S. Senate recently debated two very different approaches.

Me: Insulting my intelligence again? Unlike you, I actually read and keep up.

McC: I offered a bill, the Tax Hike Prevention Act of 2012, that would not only give every American the certainty that their income taxes will not go up at the end of the year, but also set into motion the process for meaningful tax reform within a year.

Me: Bushit! He’s gone. You can stop spreading his lies and failed policies for him.

McC: The Senate Majority Leader, however, cobbled together a different bill that would raise income taxes on one million small business owners, or up to 75 percent of small businesses, and raise death taxes on thousands of family farmers and small business owners.

Me: Hilarious! Seriously, I have to laugh at this feeble attempt at misrepresentation. Do you think people on the street stop by my mailbox to read this crap? Surely, you must know it's wasted on me.

McC: Two years ago, the President and the Senate majority agreed that the same tax hikes they are now fighting for would hurt the U.S. economy. At that time when blah blah blah . . .

Me: Again, as I have explained and as you knew before I explained it, this is not a tax hike. This is a call to allow the irresponsible Bush tax BREAK to expire, as was planned all along. President Obama and the Senate majority realize that middle class earners need this break due to the irresponsible actions of the Bush Administration and his “allies” and want to extend those tax breaks for them, but not for the people who do not need them. You, Senator McConnell, are the most dishonest person I’ve had the misfortune of having to endure in life. Your attempts to mislead are disgusting.

McC: Again, thank you for contacting me regarding this important matter. If you would like to receive periodic updates, please sign up for my eNewsletter and become a fan of my page on Facebook.

Me: You never respond when I use your Facebook page. Can I assume that means you don’t read it?

Sincerely disgusted,

Sandy

Senator McConnell is good for one thing - laughs.

Senator McConnell is good for one thing - laughs.

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You Aren’t Playing T-ball, Senator McConnell

Dear Senator McConnell:

This is one of those rare occasions when I get to thank you. I realized today that you make my case for me.

When it comes to winning and losing, I was a mean mother and I’m a mean grandmother. If the kid is big enough to sit in a chair and place tiles on the board, I will beat her at Scrabble. If I am asked to play basketball on a plastic rim at waist level, I’ll dunk the ball. And when I catch the little guy cheating at Mancala, I’ll call him on it. I’ll help and encourage kids but I won’t pretend there aren’t winners and losers in games, that I am supposed to lose because I am older or bigger, or that losing a game makes the person who lost a loser.

That said, I guess you can imagine how disgusted I was when I attended the first t-ball game where they didn’t keep score or declare a winning and losing team. How did they expect those kids to become good winners and losers? It was my opinion that kids who couldn’t handle scores and winning and losing, or who couldn’t enjoy giving it their best even if they didn’t win, were obviously not mature enough to be playing team sports.

I thought about the five year Scrabble tournament with my husband. We played a game every night and he beat me almost every game. Like a masochist, I saved the score cards in the box until the lid wouldn’t close any more. Instead of feeling like a loser or not wanting to play anymore, I was more determined and insisted we must play when he tried to get out of it. I was positive I would surely beat him eventually. I worried that these t-ball players would never be able to appreciate losing as much as I did, or winning as much as he did. But I was the grandmother by then so I didn’t say much about t-ball and my grandson’s parents didn’t say anything if I took him home and beat him at a game of rummy.

I know you are too old to have been raised in the ‘no winners or losers’ era so your refusal to admit that the Republicans lost the election in November makes me wonder how you were raised. How did you miss every lesson about honesty, self-esteem, and winning and losing? 

In this case, you aren't a loser because you lost the game but you are a loser for being such a sore, delusional loser. 

We did not send you to Washington to play a game of t-ball, Senator McConnell. Please grow up, admit you lost and the majority of THE American People want to return to Clinton-era tax rates for top earners while maintaining the lower rate for the middle class.

Sincerely,

Gramma Sandy

Translation For People Who Don’t Speak McConnell

“I have no particular observation other than that I commend the House Republican leadership for trying to move the process along and getting to a point where I hope we can have a real discussion,” McConnell told reporters after the weekly Republican lunch.

What he meant to say: “I’m scared shitless of a Tea Party challenger in 2014. Hopefully, my not taking a position will be an adequate suck up to both sides. 

McConnell Declines to Endorse Boehner Plan